i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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