I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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