i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
