You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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