woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize