I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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