It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
