I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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