I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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