I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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