All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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