Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
