I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
