I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I AM VODKA MAN
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize