ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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