sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize