My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
