Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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