are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
