I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize