Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
