the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
