Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
