Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
