My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
