Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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