Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
