Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize