She announced her abortion via fbk
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
