So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
