YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
