If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
