I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
