i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
