I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
