Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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