I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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