Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Rumble strips road head = magical
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
