I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize