it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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