why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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