Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
