we should wear snuggies to the strip club
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
