8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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