found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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