Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
pray to the hookup gods
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
