We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
