Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
