Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
