I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
