do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
