You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
