I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
