I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
