I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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