I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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