i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
