I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The beer is more important than you right now.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
