Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
