these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
