Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
