It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
