Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
