Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
