im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize