Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
