Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
