69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
