I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
