Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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