This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
3pm strippers are depressing
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
