Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
