You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
