I think i peed on brittanys purse
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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