I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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