he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Actions speak louder than pants.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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