Heybabeimwearingurpanties
where am i from again
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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