My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Damn victory sex feels great
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize