before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
