Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
