Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
