well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
