pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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