You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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