That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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