So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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