been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
