You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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