either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize