She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
