it wasn't lemon gatorade
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
