I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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