u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
