Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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