You made me cry and you don't even care
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
