He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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