Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
