I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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