he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
