I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Holy shit dude........stairs
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
