tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize