I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There's even glitter on my cock...
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